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Showing posts from October, 2008

Wordle

Hey there.
First: thank you for all of the notes and cyberhugs and Dee and Laurie for giving me real hugs.
No, tonight was not any better. Last night: Kate. Tonight: Kenny.
Every day: Me.

How does Shelley console herself when all she can do is cry?
Play with wordle!
If you paste in a block of text or a website address, it assesses the words you use and makes a "word cloud" representative of that piece of writing.

Dave's CaringBridge Site created this one:



Here's the one from this blog:



You can change fonts and colors and layouts. It's kinda fun.
But it didn't make me smile.
Just cry some more.

I guess tomorrow it will be Zach.
And then maybe we can start breathing again.

And today, praying, and praying.
Air1 never fails me. Listen to this:

Whatever You're Doing by Sanctus Real

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There'…

The Facade Crumbles

And I confront again the fact that I cannot do this.
I can't.
Never have.
Never will.
I am wholly inadequate in the face of this task.
I cannot navigate these waters.
I'm drowning.
So are my kids.

Kate especially.
Pray for Kate, please.

Underneath the happy smiles,
the terrific grades,
the school stuff,
the sports stuff,
all of that.

Underneath, it's miserable.
And I'm so angry.
It's so unfair that my children have to live through this.

Everything I can do is not nearly enough.
They need their father.
They need Dave.
They have me.
And no-one else.
I am
utterly
and completely
alone.

Even with each other,
so busy insulating ourselves
from the onslaught of grief
that we've created separate
little pods
of isolation
in our home.

I sometimes feel like the little Dutch boy.
Stopping small leaks.
Or Smokey the Bear.
Putting out small fires.
Patching up.
Putting back.
Propping up.
Band-Aids for hemorrhaging hearts.

It was bound to fail.

And now it's like I&#…

Myers-Briggs

Do you wonder what I do when I should be doing other things?
Well, organizing my Virtual Bookshelf.


And checking to see if I'm still an INFJ.

Yep.
Still am.
Although, my J/P score gets closer all the time. Don't really think that's a good thing. Means I'm getting less organized. Or more spontaneous, maybe.


INFJ - "Author". Strong drive and enjoyment to help others. Complex personality. 1.5% of total population. Free Jung Word Choice Test (similar to MBTI)
personality tests by similarminds.com

INFJ
Seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. Want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. Conscientious and committed to their firm values. Develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. Organized and decisive in implementing their vision.

Now you know all about me. :-)

Go here to find out about yourself! Write in and tell me if yours is accurate. Mine's pretty accurate. No…

Some days...

...are harder than others.
Yesterday was hard.

The Blue Devils lost a tough one.
What can a mom say to a disappointed football player?
That's a dad's job.

Kate is almost done with volleyball. She starts basketball soon.
Dave would love to see Kate play now. He always said, "Kate will be my bball player!"

Fighting with SSA.
Fighting with DDD.
Decisions for Kenny's IEP.
Filling out the SIB-R.
Deciding about DVR.
Drowning in alphabet soup.
Alone.

Some days,
I feel proud.
Seeing the kids' grade reports.
Hearing how great their teachers think they are.
Seeing finished shop projects.
Watching games.
Seeing a full refrigerator,
a full gas tank,
squeaking out enough money to pay the bills,
mostly on time.

And I think,
Okay.
Okay.
I'm doing this.
Keep breathing,
keep breathing.

And some days,
the wave comes back.
Knocks me to the ground.
And I can't breathe.

Sometimes the wrongness of it all
just engulfs me.

In this week alone.

Milestone moments.
Choosing a…

KING KENNY!

Okay, homecoming. Wow...what a night! It was a good day to be a Meyer!

First of all, Zach got to play quite a bit. He looked good. He had a HUGE fumble recovery. It was awesome. I was too busy cheering and shouting to take a picture, so imagine him climbing out of the bottom of a huge pile of red and white jerseys and holding the ball aloft in that universal gesture of triumph! Just doesn't get any better than that.

Then...halftime. The band played, the dance team performed.
The rain was pouring down. Sheets of it. Kenny and Drew watched the football team head to the lockerroom. They walked around the track. This girl came running out of the stands and threw herself into Kenny's arms. I watched for a minute and then realized OH! it was Kate!

The very cool cars came around the corner. Kenny and Mia were in an 07 Mustang. (Mia, after a mad dash to the car after her dance team performance.) The couples got out of the cars and were lined up along the side of th…

Homecoming Week

Friday: We found out that Kenny had been nominated for Homecoming Court. Cool beans, eh? 10 guys and 10 girls get nominated. Pretty amazing. Did you know that Dave was homecoming king in 1980?

Friday night: Denise, Darren, Amy, Luke and Grandma & Grandpa join us in Richland for the WaHi game. Our first defeat. Zach eased in a bit on special teams after his sprained neck. That's his bum in the air - making a tackle.



Saturday: Then the entire crew went to WSU to see Jake and the football game. Cougs lost, too. Not a very good football weekend. It was great to see the family, though.




Monday: They had a big pep assembly. The announced the 5 guys and 5 girls who are on court. And guess what??? Kenny made it!! He is so over-the-top excited about it. Friends who work at WaHi called and texted and e-mailed to tell me how excited Kenny was. A couple of them were in tears. The kids at WaHi are amazingly good to Kenny. It's truly magical. I guess Kenny was s…