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Showing posts from February, 2006

Hold on.....

Wednesday, February 22, 2006 1:49 AM CST

It's the little things that sneak up on you.

Steeling myself for the 23rd.
Reading Zach's essay about his Dad.
Ready for the hard stuff.
Deep breaths,
you can do this,
I tell myself,
preparing,
anticipating,
bracing.

Then today, taking out my contacts,
I use the last of the contact solution.
It's the bottle that Dave and I both used.
And it's gone now.
Empty.
I sat there staring at the bottle,
the last drops falling to the counter,
as do my tears,
crying,
missing him.

One more thing happening without him.
Life marches on,
mercilessly,
insistently,
continually.
Ready or not.

One more tangible piece of Dave,
gone.
Like his smell on the coat,
fading.
Trying to keep the bits and pieces
I still have,
the parts I can still hold,
like his damn toothbrush,
still in the bathroom,
his shirts,
still in his drawer.

The kids come in
every night,
like they always have,
open Dave's drawer,
grab one of his t-shirts to wear to bed.
We hold w…

The Books

Thursday, February 16, 2006 0:42 AM CST

Many have asked, so here you go:

Ya-Ya's in Bloom by Rebecca Wells
Cell by Stephen King
Son of a Witch by Gregory Maguire
The Drowning Tree by Carol Goodman
Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
The Last Crossing by Guy Vanderhaeghe
Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi
Teacher Man by Frank McCourt
Saving Fish from Drowning by Amy Tan
A LightHouse by PD James
Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt by Anne Rice
Lirael by Garth Nix
The Kiterunner by Khaled Hosseini
The Best American Short Stories 2004 ed. Lorrie Moore
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottmann (this one I've read a zillion times, but it lives on my nightstand quite often, probably more than most, but shares space with:
Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
Real Boys by William Pollock
Smart Girls and Smart Boys by Barbara Kerr
Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Myla and Jon …

Roses Everlasting

Saturday, February 11, 2006 10:24 PM CST

Okay, got some pictures back, and this one is worth backtracking a little bit to share. When the Warriors beat Clarkston, at the end of the third quarter, they were up by quite a few points, and the buzzer rang. They headed over to the bench, the guys on the bench got up, I expected shouting, jumping, cheering, high fives and back slaps. Instead, this....



These are amazing kids. They put their arms around each other, pulled in close, leaning their heads together, and quietly soaked up the moment, holding onto each other. These kids have supported each other and been through a lot. I have to believe that Zach wasn't the only player to take a moment to think of Dave during this big win. Dave coached them along with Mike until he no longer could. He loved these kids. You can see why. Each of them is something extraordinary.

Some of you have been waiting for an update on the poop machine, I mean Duke.



He's growing and pooping and growing an…

One Year Ago

Saturday, February 4, 2006 0:56 AM CST





One year ago today.
I think about the roller coaster ride
we've all
been thrust onto...
the highest highs,
the lowest lows,
the fear,
the loss of control.

One year ago today,
Dave was recovering from surgery,
a successful surgery,
symptoms gone,
feeling great,
feeling hopeful.

Scheduling gamma knife for the tiny nodule
that remained.
Feeling confident.
"Shelley, we'll beat this thing again.
It can't beat love, you know,"
my warrior would say,
holding my hand,
reassuring me,
comforting me.

Two days later,
holding my breath while they placed the screws,
drilling into his skull,
Dave serene,
no pain meds,
"God will take care of me"
he'd say, with that famous grin.

Hugging the nurses,
whistling a tune,
filling out the crossword puzzle with my sister,
Peter and Mark with us,
always with us,
Dave,
singing along to the music
always in his heart,
calming another patient's fears,
with a touch of his hand,
saying, &q…