Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Okay. Enough already.
I hate snow.

Not as much as brain tumors.
Or seizures.
Or cancer.

But I do hate it.
And we have almost a foot of it.

I mean it's beautiful and all.
Peaceful, quiet.
At night the moon glows on the snow and it's like day in my backyard.

We had sun in the middle of all this.
Six degrees, but sunny.
And the snow sparkled like diamond dust.

But it does some ugly things.
Like this:

Zach got in a fender bender Tuesday. He left campus for lunch. (I KNOW! I can't believe he did that with the roads so bad, either!) And was following Greg. Kailee was following Zach. A car spun out in front of Greg, who was able to stop in time. Zach, with no ABS, slid into the back of Greg. Kailee, rather than hit Zach, slid into a ditch and took out a fence. Everyone is okay, but as you can see, the Toyota is not. And we only carry liability on it. Sigh.

We drove back and forth to Richland last weekend as the snow started. We went to a basketball tournament for Kate's team. They played really well. It was exciting to see them. They got new uniforms and we had a great time. Kate was on fire. She had one game with 10 points and 6 rebounds!!! The basketball was great, but the driving was stressful. And I didn't get to do any of my Christmas shopping. I'm usually done in November but between Deb's mom and my DadBob, we didn't go. I've done NOTHING!!!!

Working backwards here...
Getting the tree,
decorating the house.
Always at Klicker's.
Always the first Saturday of December.
As you will see, this year, it was positively balmy that day.

The Klicker guy cuts our tree.
We agreed pretty quickly again this year.
Got some candy, paid for the tree.

And then...

Yeah, I know. People do it all the time.
But not us.
One time in Tacoma, I talked Dave into climbing onto the roof to put all blue lights on our little house. As he was up there, this storm came in. Freezing rain and blowing wind. And, Dave, if you remember, didn't like heights in the first place. I think he only did it that time because I was pregnant with Kyle.

"Last time I do that, Shelley."
And it was.

I put lights on bushes sometimes.
And in the windows sometimes.
But never again on the house.

Until this year.
Look. My kids.
On the roof.
Dancing on the chimney for goodness sake!

And then the tree decorating.
I always miss Dave so much during this.
He liked to tell stories about the ornaments.

Like McIllvaigh Man. The ugly little ornament that his sixth graders gave him one year. I always hung it in the back. He always moved it to the front.

And Kyle's ornament. That Christmas we were waiting and waiting for Kyle to be born. It's amazing to be hugely pregnant at Christmas-time. Something magical and extra beautiful about it.

And the nail. The nail that symbolizes the real gift. Hidden deep within the tree.

And the first year we were together. We had a Christmas branch. Picked up from the gas station around the corner where the big trees were. Decorated with popcorn and cut-outs from wrapping paper because we had no ornaments.

And the Charlie Brown tree that Dave and Doug went up the mountain to cut down. (Illegally, I'm sure.) Sad, wimpy thing with drooping branches. They were so proud of themselves. Oh, how I miss both of them. Their birthdays are coming up. Dave on the 28th, Doug on the 30th. This time of year reminds me of them together in so many ways. That winter that I was pregnant with Kyle, and after Kyle died, Doug was with us, all the time. I remember the snow. And the silly hats Doug and Dave wore. And how they always reminded me of two puppies. Jumping and rolling on each other.

And Dave's voice. So resonant, so clear. Reading to us.
From the Grinch.
And the Christmas story in the Bible.

And the tangles of lights. Oh how he used to get mad about those lights. "Do you really need so many? Really?"

Christmas tree decorating goes smoothly and efficiently these days. There is still laughter. Still a few tears. And we faithfully wear our Santa hats. But without the Dave touch...well, it isn't the same. But then again, you've already heard that.

And right now...I finally get time to update the blog because Kenny and I are staying up all night. Yes. A-L-L N-I-G-H-T! Sleep deprived EEG in the morning.

They're calling for more snow tonight. So far, none.

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Friday, December 12, 2008

Hadley Fox

Hadley Fox
Eight years old
Princess in every way
Died today....
Godspeed, Hadley

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky

A whole new world
Don't you dare close your eyes
A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath - it gets better
I'm like a shooting star
I've come so far
I can't go back to where I used to be

Sunday, December 07, 2008


Nuff said.
Oh be quiet. If you were me, you'd think that, too.

Sorry for the delay in blogging. Been keeping up better with Facebook.
Oh, Pet Society...the bane of my existence. I'm obsessed. It's a truly sad story.

Now for the real news.

Kenny had a seizure. Not a small one. A big one. Got up in the morning, went to the bathroom, headed back to his room to get dressed and ended up convulsing in Kate's doorway.

Kate was brave and calm, she called 911 and answered all the questions, while I got Kenny into the "rescue position." He stopped breathing at the end of the seizure, and scared me by turning blue, but I was able to get him breathing again. Thanks, Tad Calwell and CPR.

Kyle flashbacks.
Dave flashbacks.

The ambulance came. Rocky Eastman was the first through the door. I had an immediate sense of relief. The paramedic uniform reminds me of my dad, makes me feel safe, like everything's going to be okay.


They took Kenny into the ambulance and he regained consciousness and FREAKED out. I won't describe it all, but let's say it was like nothing I'd ever seen before, it was the scariest 45 minutes of my life, and we had to sit in the driveway a long time, nearly an hour, before he calmed down enough to sit on the gurney so we could even drive to the hospital.

During this time, Kate and Zach are alone and quite traumatized. In shock, crying. It was awful.

Finally got to the hospital after we were there for half an hour or so, Kenny started to come around. Within an hour or so, he was pretty much back to himself. He sat still for a CT scan and thanks to Zach & Kate, they were able to place an IV.

All tests negative.
What does that mean? Well, there are no big tumors, significant bleeds, major scarring or hydrocephalus. Smaller things would show on an MRI, but not a CT scan.
Could he have another seizure?
Nobody knows.
They will do an MRI and an EEG over the next week or two. These tests may tell us if he is more likely to have another seizure or develop epilepsy. Or they may tell us nothing.
Some folks have a seizure as an isolated event. Sometimes in relation to an illness, head trauma or fever. Kenny's had none of those, but we're praying it's a one-shot-deal. That would be good. Only time will tell.

I remember this place.
It's called limbo.
i didn't like it here last time.
It's not any better this time.
No, I'm not getting used to it.

Kenny, on the other hand,
he's well over it.

"Go to bed, Mom!" he says,
when at 2:30 am I check on him
for the 20th time.
"I'm fine. Really, Mom.
I'm fine."

From your lips to God's ears, baby.
Straight to God's ears.

Love Shell

PS. Lots of hugs to Patti in NJ. Her dad passed away. My thoughts are with you and yours, Patti. And, yeah. Cancer sucks.
Guess what?
So do seizures.
Although so far, not quite as much.
Touch wood.