13.Unlucky they say.
I kind of laugh. I think I've always been unlucky,
13 or no.
Today marks 13 years without Dave here.
This year, more than any other, I marvel at the number of changes he has missed.
Our first grandchild, Emmie, born this year.
Zach and Kailee, such loving parents.
Kate and Kenny, out on their own.
This last year has been nothing BUT change for me.
Moving to Port Angeles.
Starting a new job, and then another.
Finding my tribe in a new place.
Falling in love, getting married.
Blessed all over again
With a husband, a partner, my love,
Who protects me, takes care of me, loves me unconditionally,
Is always there, holds me when things get rough, and
Rock steady, true blue, pure love.
I never thought I'd be here.
And I question myself every single day.
Was it the right decision?
Not to marry Dennis...he truly is everything to me.
But to leave my family?
It's been so hard.
I miss them so much.
And feel guilt even amidst the contentment.
Just when you think you know what you're doing,
Life throws you another curve.
All the changes I have made this year
Would not have happened if Dave were here.
And even though I'm incredibly happy,
It's always tinged with bittersweet.
The independence has been good for the kids.
And hard, too.
We continue to struggle
To find our way,
To figure out
How to do the best we can
With what we have.
For thirteen years.
That never changes.
If you can hear us...
We miss you still and
Love you always.
You are as much a part of my day
As my heartbeat.
I hope you're happy.
I hope you're proud.
I hope you know
We're doing our very best
To figure out how to be,
Who to be,
In this world without you.
We trudge forward,
Into a future that is as
Uncertain as ever,
With giant buckets of doubt,
An endless supply of forgiveness,
And all the love you gave us.