Skip to main content

August Blog Challenge - Day 22

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

I always wonder why they ask questions like this.  Job interviewers do it to judge whether you'll stay long enough to be worth the effort it takes to train you.  Dates do it to judge whether your goals are in line.  Lovers do it to judge whether you are seeing them in your future.  Parents do it to judge whether they're gonna have to pay your bills or not.  Kids do it to judge whether their home base is still safe.

But I'm not sure there are really answers to these questions.  I subscribe to the old adage, "Man plans. God laughs."

I have had many plans in my life.  Dreams, goals, visions for my future.  I could see them so clearly, planned so carefully, knew what I wanted, what I was working toward.

And then real life settles in.
Or sometimes, rears its ugly head.
And crashes in on you.
And then comes the after...the readjusting, the rebuilding.

Am I avoiding the question?  Perhaps.

For the first time in a long time, I have hope.  When I think about my future, I see that my life can be more than what it has been.  More than surviving day-to-day, more than getting up, drinking coffee, going to work, feeding dogs and kids, cleaning house, reading books, and going to bed.

Maybe I'm afraid to jinx it.

Let's just say this.
I love my life today.  I really do.
I have a dream job, terrific kids, fabulous friends, loyal family, good books, enough food, more than enough dogs, and love.  I'm blessed beyond what I ever hoped for.

So, if it's okay with you, I'm going to just enjoy that today.
To love the life I've been given today.
To not over-think or over-worry about what may or may not happen in some tomorrow.

Carpe the fuck out of that diem, darling.


Popular posts from this blog


So I had my first Walla Walla goodbyes.
The first was my eye doctor, Dr. Poffenroth.
He's taken care of my eyes for 25 years.
He's more than just an eye doctor.  He's a caring person and a friend.
As I left my last appointment, he handed me a card with a referral to a friend of his who practices in Port Angeles.
I looked at the card.
And realized...I won't see him again.

I've been living in a bit of denial.
I know.  Big surprise.

With all the excitement and chaos of moving,
And all the stress of living in limbo,
I somehow missed that I'd be leaving some things
some people

I know I'll be back often.
To see my kids and the new grandbaby,
friends and family.
This fact allowed me to forget...
there are some I won't see.

Even though we promise to keep in touch,
Life has a way of getting busy.
Good intentions and all that.

I  have written many times about Walla Walla.
It's a magical place.
Safe, nurturing.
I never thought I'd leave.

People ask…

Being a Widow on Father's Day

This day never gets easier.

I scroll facebook and I see
that my children and I are not alone.
So many families missing dads on
Father's Day.

We are lucky.
Dave was here,
and fought to stay,
as long as he could.
He left a legacy that we will
always remember.
He was honest and kind and caring.
He was full of faith and joy and love.
His example leads us through every day
without him.
Missing him never goes away.

I want to give a "shout-out"
to all those moms who do double duty.
Who work hard to be the best mom that they can,
and try to fill the empty space left by a dad
who is no longer here.

For the last almost 11 years,
and often in the years before that
when Dave was so sick,
I tried to do what I could.
"There is no way to be a perfect mother,but a million ways to be a good one."
I worked two jobs.  Sometimes three.
A few times, even four.
To make sure my kids could stay in their childhood home,
to try to provide some safety, stability and security
in a wo…


I got a tattoo.  Christine actually wrote on my facebook post, "You??"
Yeah.  Me.

I've been thinking about it for six years.
I finally decided that if after six years, I still wanted it, maybe it was time.

The writing is Dave and Doug's.
Taken from notes they wrote me.
They always signed their notes the same way.

I thought I was doing it in memory of them.
To mark the way they are always on my heart.
To have a visible reminder.
A permanent keepsake,
always with me.

And while it is that.
It is also more.

I didn't realize it,
until afterwards.

It's a marker.
A closing of a chapter.
Closure, if you will.

I don't know how to explain it.
The minute it was finished,
I knew.
I knew something inside me was different.

and to a lesser extent,
have been part of my every thought
every day
for over 10 years.

Daryl saw the Dali Lama this summer.
One thing he learned:
Interrogate your truth.

I've been thinking about that a lot.

Interrogate implies a…