MIA

Dear ones,
I'm sorry I've been missing. We've had connectivity problems with the internet. Something weird about the router. And Kenny's had this cold and I finally caught it. And then it was spring break and I was behind and worked a couple of 12 hour days to catch up and taught an extra class over break since the kids were still in school and now this week, they're off, but I'm in the crazy first week of the quarter at WWCC and my classes are overflowing and I'm still fighting this stupid cold, and you get the picture.

And now you get the pictures!

We celebrated the end of one basketball season. The boys ended their season withonly one loss. An amazing season. Amazing kids.

And then another season ended. The girls took 2nd in three tournaments this year!

The girls went all the way to the championship game in the Burbank tourney!

Then friends and family gathered:

To celebrate with Zach:

Who turned 16 on the 16th!

And got his driver's license the next day!

Do you know what baseball players do after practice?

They play soccer. With dogs.

And drive their brother to watch their sister play clarinet and drums in the PiHi band concert.

They go with a beautiful girl to the Sadie Hawkins dance (in my khaki pants, oo oo oo oo!)

They work hard, so they can catch:

And bat.

And basically own the diamond! I'm really proud of this kid. A few teammates were at a party where there was alcohol. More than a few, actually. And the party was on our street, on a weekend I was out of town. And Zach chose to do the right thing. A few extra pats on the back are in order!

Pictures of Kenny's track meet are in my mom's camera...MOOOOOOMMMM, help!!


And through it all, we think of Dave.
Every day.
Every breath.
I can't believe
(still)
that he's
(still)
not here.

I can see him
in my heart.

I can hear him
in my mind.

Saying,
as Kate played the big bass drum,
"I always wanted to be a drummer.
My mom wouldn't let me."

Smiling,
proud as punch,
when Zach got his license.
"Way to go, son.
Be safe. Be safe."

Laughing,
that booming laugh,
when Kenny bounces around before his race.
"Staying loose, man, staying loose."

Hugging Zach.
"I knew you'd make the right choice."
Confidence and pride.

And those everyday things.
"Cute haircut, Kate."
"Forget everything the coaches say, Zach. Just go out there and HIT the ball."
"Go for the bronze, Kenny!" (old family joke)

He would have delighted in:
Zach getting headbutted in the knee by the ram at school.
Kate sending over 1500 text messages in a month.
Kenny getting all A's.
Kate babysitting for the first time.
Kenny having a girlfriend.
Zach watching March madness with such intensity.
Jake getting accepted to WSU.

Everything would be better if we could share it with him.
A friend....way far away, over mountains and rivers and cities and fields....asked me if it ever got better, or if we just get better at dealing with it.

For me, the truth is,
well,
neither.

But I'm still breathing.
Finding joy.
Searching for peace.

Work
JARS OF CLAY

Just in case, I will leave my things packed
So I can run away

I cannot trust these voices I don't have a line of prospects that can give some kind of peace
There is nothing left to cling to that can bring me sweet release
I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing that's taking all this work

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"

Empty spaces with shadows hit by streetlights
Warnings signs and weight of tired conversations
In the absence of a shoulder, in the abscess of a thief
On the brink of this destruction, on the eve of bittersweet
Now all the demons look like prophets and I'm living out
Every word they speak, every word they speak

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"
Alone, alone, I don't want to be alone

I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing that's taking all this work