In all the horror that is grief, I find myself surrounded by wonderful people. In the scope of things, it does not balance the scales. I would certainly trade these gifts for one more day with Dave, but I find it's important to take the good when you find it. One of Dave's favorite sayings was, "If you spend all your time grieving the life you don't have, you'll miss the one you do!"
Today when I came to pick Kenny up from football practice, I watched as he wrestled with Matt Stroe. They circled each other, lunging, taking each other down, rolling on the ground, pinning each other. Two faces, full of delight, with huge grins, glimmers of Dave in those smiles.
When we came home from the hospital last week, I found a wonderful ham dinner on my doorstep, from Cheri and her sister Clara. A bit of love, a bit of comfort in a box. I got to meet Clara on one of our basketball trips to Spokane. It was a magical time. I walked into the lobby and saw her. She stood up and hugged me, and it was like family, like I'd known her always. We sat and talked and talked. I could have stayed with her forever. There was a connection so powerful, a connection born of shared pain and grief, a bond of love that knows no limits. A rare gift on this journey, a moment in time I will treasure always. I kissed her cheek as she left and felt such a profound sadness.
A week ago, Cassie Rothstrom organized a group of folks from church. They came and straightened my chaotic world, bringing order and comfort and stability. They cleaned the house, MADE MY BED (for those of you on bed-watch), vacuumed the couches, cleaned the stove, mopped the floors, cleaned the bathrooms, cleared out the yard, took 3 trailer loads of weeds and sticks to the dump, painted my deck and washed the outside of the house...and more! It was amazing and overwhelming. Thank you to Cassie and Rob, Kathleen Lucas-Roberts, Allison Barnett, Jack and Janet Schoessler, Cyndi and Jay Tucker, Peggy Cox, Cheryl Heller, all the kids, and the people that were there that I don't even know about.
And our friend, (and fortunately Zach's pediatrician), Ted Bergstrom, who came right over to the house when I was worried about Zach's leg, who gently let us know it was serious, helped facilitate the hospital admission, and took time to reassure Kenny and Kate who were crying and having flashbacks to when Dad went in the hospital last year. His gentle, thorough manner is so comforting, I'm always sure that my children are safe in his hands. He has been a source of strength and reassurance for Zach this past year, and we are so grateful.
And Cathy, who sent Kate a dancer shirt, "One dancer to another."
And the Haroldson's, Erik, Evy, Canute and Sonja...who sent us beach towels after the hospital stay, wishing for us times to come that are like "days at the beach." Knowing some of our favorite times are at Long Beach with grandma and grandpa and at the beach in Seattle with the Haroldson's.
And Dee, who always finds time for a coffee and a walk and has a listening ear that never seems to tire and an honest faith that keeps me grounded.
And Mindy, who runs taxi service when I can't.
And Deb, always Deb...you know. Help is on the way. Every time. You are my hold on sanity.
I love you all.