Skip to main content
Friday, August 19, 2005 4:43 PM CDT

2nd update today. See journal for first.

Dave has been sleeping all day today. He woke up for a minute or two a couple of times, but mostly is sleeping peacefully.

He is no longer squeezing our hands or responding in any way, so it's not clear if he still hears us. I believe he does. So I talk to him, rub his head, and tell him how much we love him, and how proud we are.

Jim and Mark left today. Jim, it was great to reunite with you, your willingness to come and be there is so appreciated. Some bonds are never weakened, even by time or distance, your faith is strong and a great gift to us.

As they left, hugging Mark, seeing his eyes, it was one of the most painful moments of the journey so far for me. Mark, you've been there, every step, for more than 20 years. Whenever we needed you, you came. With quiet, strong hugs, guitar in hand, and your ready laugh, you always found a way to help us through. We love you, more than words can say. You are Dave's brother. Watching The Currents again, I am awed by the connection, the love between you and Dave and Erik. It's a very profound thing, a bond of love and music, a sharing that goes beyond mere words. And that love has surrounded the rest of us, sheltered us. Evy and I often talk about the strange miracle that you three are. It's something many people never get to know. And today, even surrounded by some of the best people in the world, I have never felt so alone as when your "convenient Lexus cage" pulled out of the driveway. I miss you already.

My Father's House by Audio Adrenaline
I don't know where you lay your head or where you call your home.
I don't know where you eat your meals or where you talk on the phone.
I don't know if you got a cook, a butler or a maid,
I don't know if you got a yard with a hammock in the shade.

I don't know if you got a shelter, say a place to hide.
I don't know if you live with friends in whom you can confide.
I don't know if you got a family, say a mom or a dad.
I don't know if you feel love at all, but I bet you wish you had.

Come, and go with me, to my Father's house.
Come, and go with me, to my Father's house.
It's big, big house, with lots and lots of room,
A big, big table, with lots and lots of food,
A big, big yard, where we can play football
A big, big house, it's my Father's house.

All I know is a big ole house, with rooms for everyone.
All I know is lots of land, where we can play and run.
All I know is you need love, and I've got a family.
All I know is you're all alone, so why not come with me?

Dave will soon be in his Father's house, teaching Kyle about "listen and hustle."

Harvey & Darlene sent this link: I Can Only Imagine
Thank you so much, this is one of Dave's favorite songs. Thanks for your visit last night, too. Harv, you had a hand in shaping a young boy into a great man. We're so grateful that you'll have a presence in Zach and Kenny's lives, too.
Love, Shell


Popular posts from this blog


So I had my first Walla Walla goodbyes.
The first was my eye doctor, Dr. Poffenroth.
He's taken care of my eyes for 25 years.
He's more than just an eye doctor.  He's a caring person and a friend.
As I left my last appointment, he handed me a card with a referral to a friend of his who practices in Port Angeles.
I looked at the card.
And realized...I won't see him again.

I've been living in a bit of denial.
I know.  Big surprise.

With all the excitement and chaos of moving,
And all the stress of living in limbo,
I somehow missed that I'd be leaving some things
some people

I know I'll be back often.
To see my kids and the new grandbaby,
friends and family.
This fact allowed me to forget...
there are some I won't see.

Even though we promise to keep in touch,
Life has a way of getting busy.
Good intentions and all that.

I  have written many times about Walla Walla.
It's a magical place.
Safe, nurturing.
I never thought I'd leave.

People ask…

Being a Widow on Father's Day

This day never gets easier.

I scroll facebook and I see
that my children and I are not alone.
So many families missing dads on
Father's Day.

We are lucky.
Dave was here,
and fought to stay,
as long as he could.
He left a legacy that we will
always remember.
He was honest and kind and caring.
He was full of faith and joy and love.
His example leads us through every day
without him.
Missing him never goes away.

I want to give a "shout-out"
to all those moms who do double duty.
Who work hard to be the best mom that they can,
and try to fill the empty space left by a dad
who is no longer here.

For the last almost 11 years,
and often in the years before that
when Dave was so sick,
I tried to do what I could.
"There is no way to be a perfect mother,but a million ways to be a good one."
I worked two jobs.  Sometimes three.
A few times, even four.
To make sure my kids could stay in their childhood home,
to try to provide some safety, stability and security
in a wo…


I got a tattoo.  Christine actually wrote on my facebook post, "You??"
Yeah.  Me.

I've been thinking about it for six years.
I finally decided that if after six years, I still wanted it, maybe it was time.

The writing is Dave and Doug's.
Taken from notes they wrote me.
They always signed their notes the same way.

I thought I was doing it in memory of them.
To mark the way they are always on my heart.
To have a visible reminder.
A permanent keepsake,
always with me.

And while it is that.
It is also more.

I didn't realize it,
until afterwards.

It's a marker.
A closing of a chapter.
Closure, if you will.

I don't know how to explain it.
The minute it was finished,
I knew.
I knew something inside me was different.

and to a lesser extent,
have been part of my every thought
every day
for over 10 years.

Daryl saw the Dali Lama this summer.
One thing he learned:
Interrogate your truth.

I've been thinking about that a lot.

Interrogate implies a…