Skip to main content

Cancer Sucks

Thursday, July 21, 2005 12:19 AM CDT

CANCER SUCKS!

We went to the cancer center today. As expected, Dr. Sachs wants to move Dave's MRI up sooner because of all the symptoms he's been having. So the MRI is tomorrow at 4:00 pm. Please, please pray your hardest, most earnest pleas on Dave's behalf.

He could not have avastin today because he has a HUGE bruise on his neck where he fell and hit the edge of the table.

He could not have CPT-11 because the doc doesn't want to give him any more CPT-11 until they know for sure whether the tumor is growing or not.

We have an appointment Monday to get results of the scan.

Doc said to keep Dave's decadron at the 8 mg level for now, until we know what's going on.

We're getting a walker today. Getting into the cancer center was horrible today, it almost killed both of us. Hopefully, Dave will be able to manage a walker. If not, it will have to be a wheelchair.

We're in the midst of painting and getting ready to do some work in the bathroom to make it safer for Dave. The plywood floor in the bathroom is just not gonna cut it any more. And we really need to have a shower in the tub in the main bathroom, because it takes Dave so long to do everything that the kids can't get in to shower. Sigh. And: EEEK. Like home improvements/repairs were just the fun adventure we need right now. Okay. Enough whine. I'm just thankful for Dads (mine and Dave's) who are so generous with their help and carpentry skills.

Dave's sleeping now. Before he fell asleep, he said, "I'm sorry." My heart is broken.

Love, Michelle

PS. Heard this song on the radio on the way back from the cancer center. No matter how we despair, there is hope, and our lives are worth enough that He died for us.



I Know by Seventh Day Slumber

Wonder what can be so bad
That it makes you want to die
I wonder what could be so tragic
Makes you want to take your life
You have your Savior on the cross
While you sit on the throne
Put yourself up on that cross
Put your Savior on the throne

And I know it's hard to take what's happening
And I know life is tough sometimes
And I know it seems like there's no hope for you
And I know your life is worth more than you can see

It's hard to see beyond your pain
When you feel so dead inside
It's hard to see what you've been given
It's hard to find the hope in life

And I know it's hard to take what's happening
And I know life is tough sometimes
And I know it seems like there's no hope for you
And I know your life is worth more than you can see

And I say look at Jesus' hands
Those scars are there for you
You know He understands
What you're going through

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Goodbyes

So I had my first Walla Walla goodbyes.
The first was my eye doctor, Dr. Poffenroth.
He's taken care of my eyes for 25 years.
He's more than just an eye doctor.  He's a caring person and a friend.
As I left my last appointment, he handed me a card with a referral to a friend of his who practices in Port Angeles.
I looked at the card.
And realized...I won't see him again.

I've been living in a bit of denial.
I know.  Big surprise.

With all the excitement and chaos of moving,
And all the stress of living in limbo,
I somehow missed that I'd be leaving some things
some people
behind.

I know I'll be back often.
To see my kids and the new grandbaby,
friends and family.
This fact allowed me to forget...
there are some I won't see.

Even though we promise to keep in touch,
Life has a way of getting busy.
Good intentions and all that.

I  have written many times about Walla Walla.
It's a magical place.
Safe, nurturing.
I never thought I'd leave.

People ask…

Being a Widow on Father's Day

This day never gets easier.
never

I scroll facebook and I see
that my children and I are not alone.
So many families missing dads on
Father's Day.

We are lucky.
Dave was here,
and fought to stay,
as long as he could.
He left a legacy that we will
always remember.
He was honest and kind and caring.
He was full of faith and joy and love.
His example leads us through every day
without him.
Missing him never goes away.

I want to give a "shout-out"
to all those moms who do double duty.
Who work hard to be the best mom that they can,
and try to fill the empty space left by a dad
who is no longer here.

For the last almost 11 years,
and often in the years before that
when Dave was so sick,
I tried to do what I could.
"There is no way to be a perfect mother,but a million ways to be a good one."
I worked two jobs.  Sometimes three.
A few times, even four.
To make sure my kids could stay in their childhood home,
to try to provide some safety, stability and security
in a wo…

Tattoo

So.
I got a tattoo.  Christine actually wrote on my facebook post, "You??"
Yeah.  Me.

I've been thinking about it for six years.
I finally decided that if after six years, I still wanted it, maybe it was time.

The writing is Dave and Doug's.
Taken from notes they wrote me.
They always signed their notes the same way.

I thought I was doing it in memory of them.
To mark the way they are always on my heart.
To have a visible reminder.
A permanent keepsake,
always with me.

And while it is that.
It is also more.

I didn't realize it,
until afterwards.

It's a marker.
A closing of a chapter.
Closure, if you will.

I don't know how to explain it.
The minute it was finished,
I knew.
I knew something inside me was different.

Dave,
and to a lesser extent,
Doug,
have been part of my every thought
every day
for over 10 years.

Daryl saw the Dali Lama this summer.
One thing he learned:
Interrogate your truth.

I've been thinking about that a lot.

Interrogate implies a…