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Unlucky 13

13. Unlucky they say. 13. I kind of laugh.  I think I've always been unlucky, 13 or no. Today marks 13 years without Dave here. This year, more than any other, I marvel at the number of changes he has missed. Our first grandchild, Emmie, born this year. Zach and Kailee, such loving parents. Kate and Kenny, out on their own. And me. This last year has been nothing BUT change for me. Moving to Port Angeles. Starting a new job, and then another. Finding my tribe in a new place. Falling in love, getting married. Blessed all over again With a husband, a partner, my love, Who protects me, takes care of me, loves me unconditionally, Is always there, holds me when things get rough, and Never wavers. Rock steady, true blue, pure love. I never thought I'd be here. Never. And I question myself every single day. Was it the right decision? Not to marry Dennis...he truly is everything to me. But to leave my family? It's been so hard. I miss them so mu


So I had my first Walla Walla goodbyes. The first was my eye doctor, Dr. Poffenroth. He's taken care of my eyes for 25 years. He's more than just an eye doctor.  He's a caring person and a friend. As I left my last appointment, he handed me a card with a referral to a friend of his who practices in Port Angeles. I looked at the card. And realized...I won't see him again. I've been living in a bit of denial. I know.  Big surprise. With all the excitement and chaos of moving, And all the stress of living in limbo, I somehow missed that I'd be leaving some things some people behind. I know I'll be back often. To see my kids and the new grandbaby, friends and family. This fact allowed me to forget... there are some I won't see. Even though we promise to keep in touch, Life has a way of getting busy. Good intentions and all that. I  have written many times about Walla Walla. It's a magical place. Safe, nurturing. I never thou


So. I got a tattoo.  Christine actually wrote on my facebook post, "You??" Yeah.  Me. I've been thinking about it for six years. I finally decided that if after six years, I still wanted it, maybe it was time. The writing is Dave and Doug's. Taken from notes they wrote me. They always signed their notes the same way. I thought I was doing it in memory of them. To mark the way they are always on my heart. To have a visible reminder. A permanent keepsake, always with me. And while it is that. It is also more. I didn't realize it, until afterwards. It's a marker. A closing of a chapter. Closure, if you will. I don't know how to explain it. The minute it was finished, I knew. I knew something inside me was different. Dave, and to a lesser extent, Doug, have been part of my every thought every day for over 10 years. Daryl saw the Dali Lama this summer. One thing he learned: Interrogate your truth. I've been th

Memory Lane

Magic Penny - Dave Meyer Melt with You - Dave Meyer Growing Older with You - Dave Meyer Don't You Know that I Hear? - Erik Haroldson Friends - Dave Meyer & Erik Haroldson

August Blog Challenge - Day 23

List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them. Hobbies?  Really? Go back and read the blog entry where I tell you my daily schedule. HA! My hobbies are Job #1, Job #2, Job #3, kids, dogs and laundry. Doesn't leave time for much else, really. Why do people have hobbies?  I guess to fill their time and to do something that restores them.  The closest thing I have to that is reading.  I love to read.  I read anything.  Even the shampoo bottle in the shower and the cereal box at breakfast. Reading takes me to another world.  I love to read things that are intriguing and make me curious.  Especially about people, their relationships and motivations.  I like a story with a good psychological twist, something unexpected, something I didn't predict. I tend to like the dark stuff.  I love Stephen King, especially his more esoteric novels where he explores the minds of the characters.  Two other favorites are We Need To Talk About Kevin and Fall On Your Knees .  Both extremely

The Next Decade

Today marks 11 years that Dave has been gone from our sight. We are into the second decade without him. For Kate, he's been gone for more years than he was here. Even for me, it's past the halfway mark. Dave was in my life for 20 years. Now absent for 11. But not really absent. Not really gone. Not really. His ashes sit on our piano. Wearing various hats to go with the seasons. That's the physical. We also have the rock, a symbol, steady and strong at WaHi. And pictures. So many pictures. That smile. Glowing, even in two dimensions. And his voice. Like velvet. Singing over the car speakers on our road trips. White Lies And She Was Heaven Magic Penny Melt with You Every Time You Walk By Growing Older with You Those are the tangible things. The things we can still touch. It's not enough, Never enough. And at the same time, some days, it's too much. There are still days something will sneak up and blindside me.

August Blog Challenge - Day 22

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? I always wonder why they ask questions like this.  Job interviewers do it to judge whether you'll stay long enough to be worth the effort it takes to train you.  Dates do it to judge whether your goals are in line.  Lovers do it to judge whether you are seeing them in your future.  Parents do it to judge whether they're gonna have to pay your bills or not.  Kids do it to judge whether their home base is still safe. But I'm not sure there are really answers to these questions.  I subscribe to the old adage, "Man plans. God laughs." I have had many plans in my life.  Dreams, goals, visions for my future.  I could see them so clearly, planned so carefully, knew what I wanted, what I was working toward. And then real life settles in. Or sometimes, rears its ugly head. And crashes in on you. And then comes the after...the readjusting, the rebuilding. Am I avoiding the question?  Perhaps. Perhaps.