Saturday, August 29, 2015

Brave Wings

Ten Years Without Dave



Brave does not mean unafraid.
I am brave.
But I have been very afraid.
Many times.

Learning to live without someone, well...
this is the part where
you find out what you're made of.


Dave's dying has changed me.
Changed everything, really.

None for the best,
no, not the best.

But some are good.
Yes, there is good.

I am brave.
Kenny, Zach, Kate...
they are brave,
strong.

Strong, real, true,
authentic.

Would we be if Dave were here?
I think so.
But the quality would be
different.

Growth borne of pain
is different than
growth nurtured from joy.

We are tempered by fire.
Fierce
and yes
brave.

Yet...


People say
it gets easier,
time heals.

I still disagree.

Or
they wonder how
I do it.
They think they
could not be
so strong,
so brave.

You can, darling.
It's only repetition,
over
and
over.

I am practiced in pain.
Adept in grief.
I am better at it now.
I can move nimbly through it,
knowing there is no way
around,
only through.
I have exercised
just the right movements
a million times.
Those muscles are strong,
making it
look....
easier.

I am not the same.
Never the same.

But neither would I be
if Dave were here.

Life is about changing,
growing,
and yes,
accepting.

And being brave,
whatever comes.


Did you know
scars
are stronger
than skin?
Invisible scars
knit me together.
And make me
strong.
Make me
brave.

"Courage, dear heart." C.S. Lewis


So we can rise up
and embrace
what is,
what will be.
Even as we
still
mourn
what was.

Moving forward,
letting go.

But I bring a little piece
of you
with me
wherever
I go.