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Better

Breathe.
Breathe.

Listen to these lyrics...

Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?

I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
Like today never happened

It gets better eventually. It always does.

We learn to forgive each other. And eventually ourselves.

Kenny spent most of the evening curled in my lap. After he fell alseep, I spent the rest of the night figuring out how to clean up gross mop water mixed with cat litter on a garage floor. Let's just say it destroyed 2 dust pans, six towels, one mop, one pair of jeans and a pair of shoes. Don't even ask.

We're okay. Kate and Zach were both getting sick, that didn't help anything. They're feeling better now. Zach had a great game on Tuesday.

And I was so far ahead, pretty much done with my shopping after my annual Veteran's Day outing with Deb. I was feeling pretty smug. How is it that suddenly I'm so far behin…

Awful

Tonight was awful.
Just awful.

We had another weekend of basketball. Getting up at 5am to get to the tournament. We're so exhausted.

We did some shopping. I find myself spending money I don't have to get the kids things they want. I know it's wrong, but I sometimes find myself wanting to make up for their loss, wanting to do something to make them smile. I think it's backfiring, as it was bound to.

I looked around our house. It's a WRECK. I mean, really. Horrible. We have 2 big dogs, 2 cats, a kitten, 3 kids and me and too busy a schedule. And we forgot to take the garbage out on Sunday, so our can is still full and there's no place to put the garbage. Straw 1.

Zach stayed home sick today. I got a report from his math teacher. He's getting a C in a class he should easily get an A in...because of multiple missing assignments. But he told me his homework was done so he could go to see "I Am Legend." Straw 2.

I looked around the house. …

Snow and Basketball

That's what we did this weekend.

Zach had a couple of games this week. His team is undefeated. He's having a lot of fun, although he sat out most of the last game because of foul trouble. He thinks he broke his finger at practice tonight. If you remember last year, his basketball season was cut short because he slammed his finger in a car door and the doc had to stitch it all back together. Tonight he refused to go to the ER for x-rays. He thinks it's "fine." Sigh. PS. Buy stock in Ace bandages or athletic tape is my advice.

Kate had a tournament in Richland this weekend. It was a lot of fun. They didn't dominate like they did the last tournament. In fact, they looked a little sleepy in a couple of the games, but by the end, they turned it on. Zach is helping coach the team. He calls them "my girls." It's very sweet. I love to watch Kate come off the court, looking for Zach, him putting his hand on her shoulder, talking to her earne…

Slide Show

It's taken two years, but finally figured out how to get the slide show from Dave's memorial service on here. It's low-resolution, so some pics are kind of blurry, but better than nothing. And thanks again, again and again to Jeffrey Towsend.>

Thankful

Stand In The Rain




It's Thanksgiving. Our third one without Dave. The first Thanksgiving after Dave died was the first "major" holiday, and I remember driving to Denise's house, stuck in traffic on the freeway, crawling along at 10 mph, hearing Lonestar's "I'm Already There" and all four of us crying. Rivers of tears. Tears with no end.

There weren't any tears this year. My heart didn't simply break into a million piecese when I looked around the table and Dave wasn't there. I didn't expect to see him bounding around the corner, with that little bounce in his step, keys jingling. My eyes didn't fill when I saw Amy or Luke or Jake squeeze through the furniture and thought of Dave putting up his legs, setting up a "toll gate," the price of passage a big Dave-hug. Is that better? In some ways I think it's worse. To absolutely know he's gone. And to have become resigned to it. To have that missing him beco…

Bodega Bay

Wow. It was wonderful. Everything I thought. It was like meeting someone I'd always known. It was peaceful to be with Cheri and Cathy. The weather was cool and foggy most of the time and it was like a little cocoon surrounding us. We relaxed, drank lots of coffee and champagne and talked and talked. We stayed up way too late and ate way too much chocolate. We walked on the beach and watched the surfers on the waves. It was just like it should be.

As I was getting off the plane in Sacramento, I wondered....how am I going to recognize Cheri? I've seen some pictures of her, but wasn't sure if I'd know her. From the top of the escalator, I saw her in the lobby and just knew. We hugged and hugged, and even though I was tired, I couldn't stop smiling.

Then we embarked on a two-hour drive to the beach house. It was dark and foggy and Cheri hadn't driven there very many times. So we went in quite a few circles. "Right road, wrong way," she'…